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Post by inkpelt on Nov 9, 2010 12:14:59 GMT -5
Name: Silvermoon Gender: female Clan: the great air clan Rank: deputy Wild Cat; nope Age: 25 moons
appearance
Fur Color: Dark silver blue Fur Length: medium Build: Fast, can jump high Eye Color: amber Appearance: Dark silver blue she-cat with light blue under belly and hind paws, with pretty amber eyes
_____________________personality_____________________
Likes: • sparrows • hunting • running climbing trees the dark
Dislikes: • robins • kits ( 1-3 moons) • Dawn patrols
Strengths: • running • climbing playing chase me
Weaknesses: • blind in one eyes in the day • walking
Personality: Fair with everyone. Always thinks of the possibilities. Loves black toms (in general) And dark grey.
_____________________history_____________________
History: was a loner for 7 moons (from kit to a an apprentice) the great air clan took me in and showed me the way of the clan. My most important rule to myself is where does your heart tie.
Role-play : I am hunting a sparrow a very appetizing bird. The clan needs food for the long rainy-leaf a head . I was just appointed deputy and I am thrilled that Purestar has chosen me. This will be very different and challenging for me but I am exited!!!
The Amazon is very hot compeered to where I’m form ; a very cold climate but I am a gusting My fur isn’t so think as it was in the north.
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Post by A B S T R A C T on Nov 14, 2010 20:24:05 GMT -5
Pending... Alrighty, first of all, please write in third person only. Also, the appearance description and personality description BOTH need to be six sentence paragraphs long or more. You only have a sentence for the appearance and three for the personality. Also, please clean up your grammar some. Sentences aren't usually started by an "and", and they aren't complete sentences. A sentence, to be complete, must have a clause. They do not start like "Went to the store.", but could be changed to "He went to the store."
As for the role play example, it needs some correcting. When you role play, usually, you write in third person which uses: he, she, them, they, their, and your character's name. So your role play example could be written out like: "Silvermoon crept silently, closing in on the sparrow. She knew her clan needed food, and was greatly pleased that Purestar had chosen her as the deputy."
Please rewrite the history in correct sentences. I also find it hard that Silvermoon would be a loner at seven moons, as she is a kit and would probably not know how to hunt for herself and avoid the predators.
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